Mumbai,April 11: Are you aware of the term ‘false advertising’? It’s a way to trick people into buying a product by misrepresenting said product. A more colloquial term for the same is ‘bullsh*tting’. False advertising has been used for eons to lure dumb people — aka the majority of a consumer base — into parting with their hard-earned cash. Once duped, a consumer has little to do but walk away frustrated and deal with the ignominy of being gullible.
The latest example of false advertising is the new Sunny Leone movie, Ek Paheli Leela. It’s been sold to tongue-wagging consumers as a historical sex drama, with a thrilling reincarnation twist. What Ek Paheli Leela actually is may cause some shock – it is soft porn, only without the porn.
That’s right. In this movie Sunny Leone does not indulge in any ‘hot scene’. She attempts hard-hitting drama, slapstick comedy and even heartfelt romance; only with the stagecraft of a porn star. The film attempts to deliver a super serious tone, which means it’s soft porn (without the porn and therefore, well, just soft) and reincarnation. In short, Ek Paheli Leela is a splitting headache.
In case you’re still contemplating this movie, ponder over these five questions:
1) Are you interested in knowing the inner workings of the ‘glamour industry’?
Leone’s high-fi, posh, jet-setting, club-rocking, head-turning London NRI character reveals the Holy Grail secret to success – “Glamour Industry mein short cut sirf short skirt so hota hai.” That’s right girls, listen to Leone didi. chuck your jeans and put on some slutty clothes.
2) Are you a fan of Dangerous Ishq?
Ek Paheli Leela is the wannabe-adult version of Dangerous Ishq. It has the same story of love and judaai due to death, faux royal Rajasthan settings and past-life-mumbo-jumbo-revenge tale of scorned lovers.. Except the already awful performances of the original have been replaced with A-grade bad acting, and the 3D has been replaced by an assault of Double D.
3) Are you a person who digs sexual innuendo?
This movie has images of breasts everywhere. From rows of pots neatly arranged to resemble cleavage to weird, circular drawings on the floor, the references to mammary glands are hilariously unsubtle.
4) Do you get excited by Sunny Leone talking dirty? Or do you get excited by Sunny Leone mouthing Kanti Shah lines? Or both?
Apart from Leone’s acting, her dialogue is straight out of a Savita Bhabhi excerpt. “Maine itne doctors ko bataya,” she says, “aur batane ka man nahi karta.”
But that’s enough naughty stuff. There’s something for the hardcore romantics too! “Badan aur baahein gori ho na ho, dil zaroor gora hona chahiye,” she says at one point. If all this isn’t enough, Leone even speaks in a Rajasthani accent that’s bad enough to cause ear infection.
5) Are you a raging homophobe or a bigot?
If yes, then this is the movie of the millennium for you. From outrageous and caricaturist gay characters to outright gay bashing, Ek Paheli Leela offers the whole platter. At one instance, a servant character asks a gay man, “Are you giving back or going back? Do you want a lollipop?” And when the gay man is upset and leaves, the servant turns towards the camera, giggles and says, “Aisa jaa raha hai jaise kabhi choosa hi nahi.”
If by some bizarre twist of fate you have an affirmative reply to any of the above, you should book your ticket to Ek Paheli Leela as soon as possible. Please follow that up with an appointment with the nearest lobotomist. My advice to all those who want to see this film for Leone: for a film with better production values, more nuanced acting and a far more coherent story, you could log on to the internet and watch, you know, an actual porno.
